Game of Thrones Season 8 Episode 6: THE IRON THRONE. And now our watch is ended.

So. That's it then, is it...GRRM+D&D? The only character I can hope to see again is, happily, my fave Melisandre--because prequels are promised. But no sequels.

Well, depressingly...stunningly...I cannot say that the finale is truly satisfying or that I love it. I liked parts of it, mostly from the latter half. Because in the first, once again, fans have vastly outdone the actual plot. And tragically, these last four episodes are light-years from fulfilling the series' promise and potential. It would have made infinite sense for Bran to have warged Drogon and caused Dany to lose control--explaining why she suddenly changed course once we saw the dragon shadow from Bran's vision passing over the rooftops, and why we never saw any closeups of her attacking the city. Folks were suspicious of him from the first episode ("why did he choose that moment to have Sam tell Jon of his parentage...?") Instead, what goes down is more straightforward. Dany thanks her two foreign armies specifically (what about the northerners?), and claims that their continuing mission will be warring to liberate all oppressed peoples everywhere. Oh, okay. Where else exactly now? That's a bit new. (And except she started here by oppressing/eliminating a population for no reason. XD The conquering armies slayed her enemies, yes, and then some...the people she wanted to free and rule...suddenly she thinks she wants to just kill everyone in the world?? This fuckery, what even is it?)

Disappointed Tyrion chucks his HotQ pin and is taken prisoner. "Ho boi, errybuddy in Westeros gon' hate me now..." It still makes no sense. The whole thing hinges on something unbelievable. Of all the ways the story could've gone...this? The Daenerys of two fucking episodes ago was still rational. Losing Rhaegal and Missandei and whatnot really drove her to this kind of paranoia about Cersei--she used the innocence of the KL residents as a weapon against you? Kiiinda, n'really? Her attempt to was dumb because you're on a fuckin' DRAGON and she didn't actually surround herself with a big ball of citizens. The bottom line is that all you needed to do was go roast her specifically. That was it. Precision strike. She'd lost. Of course there was no making peace with her. No getting past this. The rampage was a narrator's excuse to wreck KL and create an ending where neither she nor Jon sits on the throne. The person razing KL and from then on wasn't her. And the fact that I do not believe in her heel turn tarnishes this conclusion. They didn't make me believe it. I guess I just have to accept that the genetic predisposition combined with extreme trauma resulted in a psychological break. Still seems a cheap, shitty trick to pull on this awesome character. A few of her past choices might have been questionable, but nothing represented a fraction of this loss of logic. Trying to push that she was on a slippery slope to it is bull.

So now they're all traipsing through the ruins of the stupidass city ("I kinda forgot I wasn't going to be queen of the ashes and give myself a shit-ton of rebuilding to do!") That wasn't part of her plan for KL, it was unnecessary. But she seems fixated on the throne...which, momentarily will no longer exist. Her death is appropriately tragic. She is Jon's queen, now and always. Drogon melts not his last-Targ cousin or whatever the fuck Jon is to him, but the throne itself, then flies off eastward with his mother's body lying in a hind claw. ;-; If she can't have it, ain't nobody gon' have it. He sensed it was at the center of all this mayhem, like the One Ring or the money Lucy tried to return to the Monte Carlo casino...'cause he damn sure wasn't stupid enough to think the chair killed his mum.
Still no mention from any of these imbeciles that they should have considered just assassinating Cersei. Or telling KL to evacuate.

PAUSING TO ASK: WHO were the actors that surprised EW's Hibberd on set for the finale? There was literally nobody surprising here. Unless maybe it was Nikolaj & Lena, playing their characters' corpses. I was on the lookout for people we thought dead reappearing in some form, or people from way back in the series no one would've anticipated seeing again, or flashbacks, or SOMETHING. Shouldn't have read all those damn hyping articles; so much setup to be let down.
Pausing again: Fuck kind of lame-ass title is this? "The Iron Throne," really???? Not "A Dream of Spring?" None of the other better suggestions I've seen, just that?!?! Well, it was one of the casualties, anyway. Why were so many of the writing decisions phoned in this season? Looks like Bran's bloody wheelchair is the new Iron Throne! All came down to...that. And the whole "#ForTheThrone" campaign was supposed to be a distraction from the...oh, fuck it, I'm done being a broken record.

Backtracking a bit...
Tyrion painfully asked Jon to end Dany's reign. It apparently wasn't going to create the better world she'd had her sights on for so goddamn long after all...siiiiigh. They both love her and believed in her (same, boys. Same.) Jon tried to be understanding of why she made such an unwise decision. When Tyrion went and found Jaime's & Cersei's bodies, I'd thought HE was gonna find Dany and ask her to explain. Funny how the Imp ends up a Hand again. Even though he did a massively shit job last time and was on freakin' trial.
He concludes that Dany must have become high on power and ceased to be a killer only of the evil--that she's entirely lost sight of herself and everything, and her understanding of "break the wheel" and "liberate" and "better world" have become deluded. It's so fuckin' tragic. She became a senseless psychopath in ten seconds. You wanted to see her see it through, or die trying. Not becoming what she was determined not to be. Honestly, it would've been so much more acceptable to THINK she's gonna snap, then have her at the last minute pull back & NOT snap, and die somehow in pursuit of her goal. This was such a shitty end to the journey of someone who deserved A throne, if not the iron one. She could've returned to rule in Essos, if sailing to Westeros wasn't gonna work out so hot in the end. I'd be infinitely less sour if something had happened to Dany besides "went bonkers." Looking back over the series, it's just so...wrong...;; She was one of my fave POVs in the books. She and Jon did both know what good was and could have built a good world together. Mondo suckage. Dreaded it. I hate that it turns out Robert was right to want to kill her way back in S1, and Cersei was right to warn her people of the dangerous "foreign" invader with her savage foreign armies.

If the city were absolutely refusing to surrender...if Rhaegal and/or Missandei were still around and she lost them during/after this battle...if she saw citizens demonstrating that they saw her as an evil invader and actually somehow supported their cruel and tyrannical Cersei (shouldn't be the case especially since she has folks on her team who could/should've spread the truth about her to the smallfolk)...MAYBE THEN I could have bought what she did. Driving her to become the monster they thought she was.
However, the Dany we know wouldn’t randomly mass-murder a population of subjects who were posing no problem to her, who’d given her no reason to suspect them as guilty of anything worthy of execution. There was simply no reason, no motive if she was in her right mind. It wasn't vengeance or punishment for anything. Moments ago she wanted to rule over these people. Suddenly she’s nuts and only wants to liberate them from life itself (a perspective, okay, but not one she’s previously explored. I mean, it kinda eliminates or vastly reduces the "future generation" anyway, huh? xD) What they reduced Dany to was either "Blonde Targs be cray" or "She had headphones on and people in the streets were flipping her off." Damned shame.

Jon carries out prisoner-Tyrion's sad, terrible request when he realizes poor Dany's too far off the deep end to call back to reason (plus fucking Tyr's gonna be executed otherwise & tbh is probably just trying to save his own ass again more than anything...and I guess there's Sansa to consider too, eew. Plus Jon himself, Arya, etc.) This brand-new Dany is not our Dany; she's lost it and speaking totally uncharacteristic nonsense, save for wanting to rule side by side with Jon. As they should've wound up deciding to do in the first fucking place. But yeah, Jon has to Old Yeller her. And so he's 'banished' to Ye Olde Night Swatch for it, which ain't too shabby. (He'll be the only member? xD Have to retake them ol' vows? No biggie.) He didn't want to be king, and nobody could have forced him to accept it regardless of how big a stink they put up. Living up north with Tormund, Ghost, and the Wildlings--that's a pretty damn sweet ending for him, actually. Yanno, unless the dead rise again (watch out for Gilly's baby? WW relatives? Bran's still marked? What about Arya? Just spitballin' here. Wildlings can always act up again too, I guess.) Brienne should've at least gone and apologized to Tormund for making the wrong choice though. ;p There could still be a relationship there...
PETS FOR THE GOODEST OF DOGGOS, YES YES YES FINALLY. Pupper smoochings. Nymeria's pack never showed up to help, though, which was a definite downer. Only had the budget for a few pats, no more wolves? (It's one thing to subvert expectations, and another to straight-up let people down on countless counts. -.-)

Missandei's death has made poor Grey Worm ruthless against his queen's (perceived) enemies. He wants to execute the surrendered Lannister soldiers since 'the new world they want to build won't be built by those loyal to the old.' Course, your new world has a better shot at taking if you at least give them a chance to choose it, and you, instead. Truly say, "I'm here to break the wheel of tyranny and tit-for-tat violence. Embrace my radicalness. You'll dig it." In the end, GW sails the Unsullied to Naath, presumably to protect Missy's people. Just gotta avoid those butterflies, guys.

The council of lords and ladies and such gets kinda into Sam's suggestion of democracy after laughing it off (hey now let's not dismiss the idea of dogs & horses voting out of hand)--but stops short of collecting votes from everybody. They themselves settle pretty swiftly on silver-tongued Tyrion's suggestion. He explains the seemingly out-of-left-field choice of "King Bran." (Good story, lol--cool story bro. What a story, Mark. Did D&D kinda forget how to write one? ;p) You'd think Tyrion of all people could put forth a better case, at any rate. Maybe once upon a time. `-` And of course Sansa thinks it should be her. Bran's happy enough to accept, because apparently THAT was his destiny. Not living in some tree (so the prior 3ER didn't HAVE to do that?), or being Lord of Winterfell. This explains his uselessness all season? He refused to help anyone because this was all just destined? (When did he learn that? Sometime between season 7 & 8, by all accounts. How much tragedy could have been averted? How long's he gonna live?) Whatever. At this point I was still counting on his eyes turning blue at the end, our Little Shop of Horrors-esque hint that a reinstated Night's Watch is gonna have to be heavily restocked.

What's Bran done to earn this? Still feels a little random when he was never a contender, but could've been a logical advisor/Master of Whisperers or even Hand if he's ever actually willing to be useful on his own. :/ (What do you do with a character to whom you've granted nearly unlimited potential knowledge? Have him sit around doing nothing for anyone and then crown him king, naturally!) He just seems to sit back and do nothing, volunteering little useful information unless prodded--and I couldn't believe nobody was prodding him!
As Jon's cousin and the one-time Lil' Lord o' Winterfell, at least he is related to the "rightful" king; if they opened it up to everybody there'd be lots more choices to work through, just among people we know of. But was anyone gunning for him? And at least we can reason that Hodor, Jojen, Summer, Leaf, etc., died for the sake of a possibly-decent or unbiased ruler who miiiiight start breaking the wheel for poor mad Dany? You might as well have considered nominating Sam or somebody, too, though, if you're deciding that the bloodline thing sucks and merit is where it's at. What good have Bran's powers done? He had to be prodded into helping take down Littlefinger. We're called back to the episode-2 moment where Tyrion sits down to hear Bran's tale. Maybe something in that helped convince him that of everybody left, he was the best candidate. Maybe his dispassionate raven-ness makes him more impartial and less prone to human stupidity. There's also the information access factor. Idk. Yay for the establishment of democracy, I suppose...? Or a step toward, anyway.
I’d feel better if more people had died and Bran was the clear best choice left. (And obviously if Dany had gotten a realistic end.) But tbh he and Sansa shouldn’t have been among the survivors. You want a king who can be a Peeping Tom whenever and on whomever he wants? 0_o “You looked beautiful [insert private situation...]” Bit Big Brotherish for my taste. Wild when leaks that sound like crack fanfic turn out to be for real.

...oh, fuck this. SAM OF ALL PEOPLE, AT THE VERY LEAST, SHOULD HAVE THE BRAINS TO PUT TWO AND TWO TOGETHER AND SEE THAT BRAN IS THE ULTIMATE VILLAIN. Little scumbucket got the outcome he wanted. All this omniscient POS did was tell Sam to reveal Jon’s parentage at a hella shitty time, leading ultimately to this shituation wherein he’s king and Tyrion is back in the position he most enjoyed. He then sat back like a worthless bump on a log, declining the lordship of Winterfell and awaiting this rubbish. Bran was interested solely in sowing discord. Yes, ultimately if they were intelligent they would’ve resolved things by simply announcing “Yes the crown would rightfully be mine, but seeing as how I DON’T WANT IT, I’m passing it to her.” “Kthx.” “Swell. I’ll help ya in some capacity.” “Cool beans.” Fucking bullfuck garbage... 

-Davos is such a good mediator, lol.
-Whoa, let's not be threatenin' Yara, Arya. Your names are anagrams of one another. (And why'd you abandon your dream horse?)
-I think Bronn may have been wrong; not even death will shut Tyrion up.
-"You will be my Hand." *faux-fluster* "Oh, no, Your Grace, ME? Why, I never...oh, I couldn't...oh, well if you insist!"  
["I'll get food by pretending that I don't want food." "That's stupid." "I'll prove it!" "Oh, you don't have to prove it; I believe you're stupid."]
Tyrion's such a true Lannister through & through, right to the end. B-| And he's got the real power now. The Small Council will probably run most things while creepy-possibly-evil-possibly-entirely-disinterested-in-people-will-we-ever-really-know Bran snoozes...
-So Bran didn't attempt to tell Aerys to burn all the walkers, thereby accidentally driving him to "burn them all" madness? That would've been coolio, and called back to the Hodor thing...Hodor never even showed up as a wight, WTFH...

The happy little council of Sam, Davos, Brienne, Pod (?), & Bronn (lawwwwwl, love every one of his lines and the fact that this dude finally got everything he ever wanted xD) feels a bit pat. Throw together the surviving folks to aid and advise Bran, whom I guess still needs advising despite being an all-seeing birdman. x-p
That scene was almost straight comedy to lighten the mood. Right slap in the face for Tyrion not to even be mentioned in the book. xD But at least there we have a completed Song of Ice & Fire, teehee (and who hadn't seen that coming?) And oh, my outrage at not getting the honeycomb-and-jackass brothel joke punchline. Bet they only wrote the first line. -.- And Bran wants to find Drogon? Hunh. Interesting. To offer condolences? ;; }:-/ (Sam's mum is Lady of Horn Hill? Davos' wife is...dead because he couldn't give less of a shit about her?)

Teared up a bit when Brienne filled in Jaime's pages, as I'd been counting on. (Should've written "Saved Brienne of Tarth from a bear, knighted her, and then took her virginity" or something. Notes about his performance. ;) AND WAS THAT INK DRY??? Again when Arya did what so many expected: decided to travel west of Westeros, to the edge of the maps, to find what's there. Chills when she said "That's where I'm going." It's probably just the eastern coast of Essos anyway. Be nice if she had a travel companion (or spin-off potential), but I'm sure she'll pick up at least one along the way. Maybe she'll destroy somebody's bike and they'll follow her around forever demanding she replace it...catching all the Pokemon along the edge of Planetos before falling off (what, we don't know their planet isn't flat...or what size it is...) Actually, she should take Hot Pie and operate a traveling food wagon!
"You were exactly where you were supposed to be." (Does that mean him yelling at undead-Viserion DID distract the WWs for Arya? Well, that makes sense...don't ask me to believe she got in there without assistance.)

In one of the most foreseeably dismaying results, fucking Sansa gets to be Queen in the North. Because of course her brother's got no problem turning "the Seven Kingdoms" into the less cool-sounding "Six Kingdoms." (And evidently no one else is interested in self-governance any longer?) So undeserved. Talk about unearned. That girl never did anything to change my view of her. She remained a selfish, lame, dumb, devious, untrustworthy, useless, whinging brat the entire way. Ew. "Uncle, please sit." Ugh, fuck her. The dragons should've eaten "ther quern irn ther nerth." The North could ask for better. She didn't give a single shit about the potential consequences of her oathbreaking. Being Ned's daughter is the best thing she's got going for her.
Disgusting that she gets a happy ending and Dany doesn't. Quick, fetch an assassin. The Starks really wound up doing pretty well for themselves after seasons of us pitying them, though. (Maybe a little too well...) Separated again, but fairly contentedly this time (way more so than last time xD), and they don't have to remain apart forever.
My my, how Sweetrobin's grown though, eh? Didn't recognize him the first time! Honestly his glo-up might be the most surprising thing in the whole finale.
Eeyup. Unsatisfactory. 

Well then. Bring on the deleted scenes (please?), the 2-hour documentary, the prequels...Comic-Con...milk of the puppy (yes puppy)...

Other notable points:

-How long is Jon going to live up yonder, now that he's apparently fulfilled his purpose in resurrection (i.e., to protect the world from devastation and to unite all peoples within their nation? Perhaps he still needs to denounce the evils of truth and love, extend their reach to the stars above, etc.)
-No Jonerys babe after all that motherfucking foreshadowing, what the ever-loving unholy fuck. I was afraid of them letting things just fall by the wayside. Cersei's last baby may as well not have existed. "Mad Queen Dany" should've been the red herring, not Jonerys tot.
-Dany: *describes the book version of the Iron Throne from her naive vision*
-Tyrion: *helps my OCD by fixing the chairs but leaves one on the right side too far forward, making it even worse*
-"Not that I've seen." Well, the LoL was holding you for resurrection, boyo.
-"Lord of Lofty Titles"--oh, the legendary Davos/Bronn banter we'll never get to see! Even my dad laughed out loud at that. (Shouldn’t Bronn be master of WAR rather than coin tho??)
-STANNIS THE MANNIS LIVES ON!!! 8'D #OneTrueKingOfGrammar #MasterOfGrammar #AintGoneBeNoMoCoin
-Brothels>ships?
-Did I miss what happened to the Dothraki? Did they sail back home? (Oh wait, they went with the Unsullied to Naath? Or got dropped off where they came from? They just became tools for Dany's use?)
-Epic music at the end ;.; Thank you, Ramin.

And what else is MISSING that would have improved the final season/episode?

-Meera, Jaqen, Daario+Second Sons: How are they all? Guess they're just gonna keep doing their things, holding down their forts? Why no part in the final proceedings? Jaqen ought to be pretty proud. Guess he probably knew what he was actually training Arya for, even though he wasn't even. The new king wouldn't be here if not for Meera; she deserved one hell of a better sendoff, & where's Howland? How come no other Dany supporters from the east ever showed up to fight the dead or take KL even more easily--just the extra Dothraki and Unsullied she Amazon-Primed??
-HOT PIE, where is mah boi? Still bakin' dat bread, makin' dat dough??
-For the millionth time, all the red priest(esse)s of Essos, the Lord of Light's presence...I just wanted to feel that in the latter half of the season...wanted my girl to come back into it somehow (yeah Davos was pondering those mysteries at the feast, but not only should we have seen a special tribute to her, we NEED that damn prequel!) What did Varys hear in the flames--"Dracarys?" Was he suddenly a psychic in episodes 4+5 because the voice had predicted an inferno caused by a friend, and his own death by fire?
-Generally everything here: the Long Night should've been longer and intertwined with the Cersei/KL storyline rather than dividing the season into two awkwardly handled halves. That wasn't just another battle. It deserved at least a couple of 1v1 face-offs with the NK. Let's say TLN was the end of the series? Last shot=Mel? I'm for it.

MOO?
MOO.
MOO!
 Last Watch documentary... 
and mayhaps one more 
...goddammit. 
I swear fo god, if I get one more o' these... fuckitall.

Game of Thrones Season 8 Episode 5: "The Bells" {INITIAL REACTIONS}

Okayyyyyy, so....the unbelievably shit leaks were for real then? These past three episodes, and especially this one, are the first time you can feel--no, SEE--the writers' hands moving the characters through inexplicably stupid actions from point A to point B, rather than watching a natural progression of events unfold organically. The illusion's breaking down. This penultimate episode is the one where Joe & Ma & I had to afterward really discuss the basic-ass bullshit box-ticking shenanigans D&D are pulling. (*Joe comes up from watching on the projector screen down the cellar* "Boy, they really ran this show into the ground, didn't they?" *proceeds to show me several painfully hilarious Reddit memes as we air some of our concerns and grievances*) I knew something was wrong as soon as the Night King shattered at the end of the third episode. The Long Night should have been multiple episodes. It conceivably could have gotten its own season. How much of this wonderfully, amazingly complex series is going to be thrown away because we only have one left? HBO should have insisted upon at least ten more eps, and found new showrunners if these guys weren't interested. And George, sir, pray tell how much of this came from you and your napkins?? Did you intentionally troll them and the world, perhaps to help figure out how NOT to end the story in your possibly-never-to-be-finished books? Or maybe you'll at least make it all make sense over a much longer period. I'll probably still hate it & be disappointed in Dany's fate (among other things...?), just maybe not as much. I assume this is the third surprise/twist (the first two being "Hold the door" and Stannis sacrificing Shireen only to lose.) It ain't a clever, surprising-yet-sensible subversion anymore, though; it’s just...straight-up bullshit...
Anyhow, my brother, the most spoiler-averse person I've ever known, read the leaks for this season. That's the amount of hope we're left with. Things are setting up for bitter shit, not bittersweet. A heaping helping of predictabullshit, with abundant amnesia.

Again I must start by asking Team Daenerys:
-Why didn't you set Gendry on some dragon armor?
-Why didn't you think to try assassinating Cersei instead of just letting Arya wander into King's Landing with the Hound on her own? (But no. The only assassination victim is seven-point-some-odd seasons' worth of character development.)
-Why didn't you ask Bran for ANY helpful information EVER, since he is clearly not forthcoming? He's so impartial, detached, out of it, and not-himself-anymore, he doesn't even "want" victory for the anti-Cersei side? Isaac couldn't have lied harder about "seeing a more human Bran again" this season, unless he was only thinking of the line right before Theon's departure... And Conleth may not have been lying about Bran not being the NK, but what of the hypothesis that Aerys went mad due to a voice attempting to tell him to burn all the DEAD?
Anyhow. Turns out Dany was dealt a bit of a shit Hand in Tyrion (who deserved that clocking from Bronn), and should have fully taken Olenna's advice to Be a Dragon in the first place. Could've saved us all a lot of grief.

Okay, so into the episode...first off, we gotta get rid of Varys. Whom I've loved since S1. He was so sure on Dany but now is all, "I don't know which side her coin landed on, but I'm pretty sure about yours Jon," even though poor. Jon. Doesn't. Fucking. Want it. He'd be her new Hand at most, and probably reluctant even to accept that. (And let's be real, Varys would prefer people he could more easily bend to HIS will.) But Jonno told, cunty Sansa told, Tyrion told, Varys spilled the beans more widely via letters and little birds...and Tyrion tattled on him. Plus he was actually trying to poison her already--what is he, clairvoyant?! Guess that's just his way ("an easy way out, and we'll release her from her suffering...") Yeah, guess he had to face the promised execution. Fair 'nuff. Truly hoped & believed it wouldn't happen, my guy. I know he feels guilty for the things he's done in the past despite having been overall well-intentioned, and thinks he's made a mistake in trying to restore the Targaryen dynasty in Westeros. The "Goodbye old friend" and Tyrion's touch got me. *cue So Long Old Friend from Garfield* This was no malicious ratting-out, even if Varys did save him from execution once. Oof. Sorry, buddy. BUT, hold up.

So we're not gonna find out what Varys heard in the flames when his parts were burned? His death IS just simple execution? What about Kinvara, what about all those red priestesses in Essos preaching Daenerys as the savior reborn from fire to remake the world and all that good stuff? They were really never gonna show up? How we gonna suddenly at the last moment drop all kinds of mysteries and clues and prophecies and plot lines that have been built up so awesomely because there's no time left thanks to D&D, and we gotta just kill everybody interesting and hope the whole audience has forgotten everything that happened along the way as easily as Dany forgot about the Iron Fleet? Didn't want to have to fill in all the blanks myself. No Nymeria's pack to the rescue either? Yara, Daario, the Second Sons, they're all gone and irrelevant? No additional dragons, of course. So I have to surrender the hope of seeing Hot Pie, Meera, or Jaqen again? How many details, people, and foreshadowed things are we going to waste? What is the ending going to do to the series' rewatchability? My faith (and I had all the faith in the world!) has not been rewarded after all these years. I feel a bit chumpish. You can't really compare GoT to other shows; you have to compare it to the standard and expectations it's set for itself.

So da-da-da, Tyrion wants to try to spare his hometown, fine...he frees Jaime, who tries to make his way to Cersei, killing and being severely wounded by the ever-arrogant "King Euron" in the process. (Fuckin' a queen makes you a king, eh? Well, he'd thought he as good as had the promise in the bag...but no mention of whose baby it actually was? At least she finally looked somewhat pregnant. But it turned out not to matter a whit one way or another! No valonqar necessary to kill her either--so HOW did this come from GRRM?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!! His hands might have been around her neck, but by Jove did she deserve much worse than those bricks. I guess it was indirectly Tyrion, who aided Dany, which I suppose could also kinda count toward that prophecy,...but ugh, gimme the strangulation dammit!!) The Jaime/Euron fight reminded me of Beatrix Kiddo vs. Elle Driver--minus the eye-plucking and toilet-flushing of course, but a similar brutal knock-down, drag-out energy and some of the same moves. Definitely think they had to have been at least subconsciously inspired by that (superior) choreography. And naturally, I guess--Euro was a rival for Cersei's affections and finger-in-the-bumming. But then ultimately, Jaime and wimpy whiny cowardly Cersei just get crushed together, simultaneously crushing the hope of that disappointing idiot killing her and possibly returning to Brienne. Well, he was probably as good as dead after the battle with Euron anyway, but he could've tried. At least Cersei's finally been done in; that's what matters, eh? But no one will ever know wtf happened there? My golden lion-boi wasn't lying to Brie? Cersei, who'd just put a hit out on her bro, didn't even get to learn that he knighted her and took her virginity. ;p Ugh, okay? DAMN but I hope his last whispered words were "I fucked Brienne of Tarth, bitch." So anyway, Jaime tries to rescue his sis & their fetus but in the end, is unable. Ser Brienne of Tarth, you should've been the "woman he loved" in whose arms he died. Just go get Tormund, girl, honestly. Fuck all these dipshit dumbasses. Everyone who's dead already is so fucking lucky they didn't have to witness this braindead shit. Mel babe, I'm so sorry you dedicated your whole life to saving humanity, and they turned out...that way. Should've let 'em all rot tbh. #smdh

Now, everybody should've just fled King's Landing. The catfight was between Cersei and Dany. Doesn't need to involve anyone else. You know shit's gonna go down soon, so you pack up YOUR shit and move outta the way; that's what I'd have done. Evacuate, and head back in soon as they're done. Anything's better than being in the way. Perhaps we've bid logic and common sense a permanent farewell, though. (I mean, couldn't Cersei have rather easily won last week when she chose only to decapitate Missandei?) The census on this moronic population, Tyr--is it "tens of thousands" or a million? Regardless, I'd have skedaddled. Split. Adios, suckers.
Anyways, apropos of nothing, we gotta transform Dany into some bizarre sort of villain. Dany, who has WELL earned her way to where she is, who deserves better than letting "Targaryenitis" set in during the second-to-last episode triggered by her overwhelming losses (supposedly.) And does this look good from a feminist standpoint? Fuck no. "Woman goes crazy, is too emotionally unstable, can't handle power, will have to be cast down and replaced by good and sane men..." Whoopee. Cool. :/ The way the opening recap had all those lines from across the series racing through her head was pretty good. But the way it played out still makes no sense. Let's see:

Dany & Drogon handily got shit done the right way. (Ho boy, Harry Strickland--how'd ya like the performance and development on THAT exciting new character?! XD Golden Company who?) The bells rang. *cue Anita Ward* The swords were dropped. Things were looking good. Dany seemed to be making the beeline for Cersei--perfect!! But then suddenly...wait, how come we fighting again? How come Drogon's unleashing more fire-breath and knocking random shit down? What? This was pure "Well we got lotsa time left and needa wreck King's Landing, obvies. We need more explosive dragon action and wildfire activation and stone crumbling and chaos in the streets. Gotta fill out this long action episode!" There was no other reason for it but a writer's desire for drama/spectacle, together with the need to kill off more main characters (who should've died at Winterfell.) You don't as a character do that without necessity to the city you want to rule, and you don't create all that rebuilding work and expense for yourself, unless you REALLY fucking hate the architecture. She wouldn't even in her right mind have tried to wipe out the Lannister army after they'd surrendered. It was D&D feeling obligated to damage a King's Landing set, and nothing more. (Or a clinically insane Daenerys who cannot be held accountable for her otherwise entirely inexplicable actions.) Because what possible good could you even claim she was thinking that course of action would do her? You don’t achieve the aim for which you’ve been fighting like hell for years and years, then instead of claiming it follow a random brain-spazz that will lose you support and motivate others to take the hard-won goal from you because you’re unstable, illogical, and needlessly destructive. Unless you secretly want to sabotage yourself. Maybe she does on some level want Jon to be king. Who tf knows...

Cersei was the NK of the situation; how many times I was sitting there willing various people to "Just. Kill. Her. NOW," I don't even know. (And while you're at it, Drogon, swoop in and take care of the Mountain for Sandor, jfc tap-dancing on a cracker!!!! Dx)
Yes, of course you have to wrest the city (and land) free of Cersei's tyrannical grip. Not your fault that that's the task you're faced with. If she were a good queen, you might still think the throne had been stolen from the Targaryens, but it wouldn't be imperative to remove her. You could stay ruling in Essos, where you had liberated people practically worshiping you.
Send the remaining Unsullied & Dothraki home—“Thanks for helping us defeat our enemies, guys! Wish we could've crowned your queen!” :p
And Grey Worm, boy, he's made it through everything so far...driven now by the desire to avenge poor Missandei. ;;
Davos! Did I miss something? What was he supposed to be smuggling? All he did was stand with Jon and Grey Worm the whole time...?

Cleganebowl, we got, yep. Nearly ended in another Oberyn-style melon-squishing, but Sandor FINALLY made the right "zombie"-killin' move and went for the eye/face/head/neck. And even THEN, the bastard is still standing and pulling the blade from clean through his head. Qyburn mah dude, you created an indestructible being made of like, styrofoam? xD Fire or dragonglass might do the trick. ;p So then the only way to end him is apparently to charge, plunge, and die together. -_- Arya's KL quest was pointless in the end...she didn't even show up outta nowhere again to take out the Mountain for the Hound, or finish him off if he was mortally wounded or something. She ran around, tried rather ineffectively to save some folks, said no to the god of death yet again, had some fun maybe. All to give us the "on-the-ground" perspective.
Qyburn, who had been trying to talk sense to nutty Cersei the whole time (loved how her every statement kept getting disproved, like lmao bitch you thought!), should've just abandoned her and tried to save himself. Instead the monster killed its creator, and the cute lil' ol' creepy man got quickly dispatched by the hideous Ser Gregor (how long did Thor have to sit still for those prosthetics!)--whose hatred for his brother STILL overpowered his programming to obey Cersei. There remained some of his old evil self in his new, reanimated evil self. That most salient brother-loathing part anyway. xD;
...But yeah, Sandor, I wouldn't mind being like you; kinda already am, you're pretty awesome. Like the Squidward of Westeros. "Hate's as good a thing as any to keep a person going." Eeyup. Rest well, man. You finally got 'im. (Even if I guess he probably would've gotten crushed/burned as well anyway...it hadda be you, had to have that showdown...enjoy every fookin' chicken in the afterlife regardless...x) And I mean, potentially Arya could've just killed Cersei and been done with it; wouldn't have taken the rest of her life...;p The "don't be consumed by vengeance" thing was kinda dumb/lame; her righteous mission was nearly finished. I wanted it to be Jaime killin' his sis, though, & got bricks.

Ending? Arya takes for fucking ever to climb on a goddamn horse. Who got more pettings than Ghost. Preview? Not much. Of course you have no choice but to watch what'll probably be a continued trainwreck. I knew from the third one on that I was looking forward more to the documentary than to the remaining episodes. This is a colossal prank, right? They're holding the real Season 8 to air in a single-day marathon after next week. They've got to be.
Best aspect of this season since episode 2 has been Melisandre's stuff, but she deserved more.

ETA: It's called "The Bells." *cue "I Can Hear the Bells"* Sooooo...blonde Targaryens have an unavoidable, innate conditioning to flip their lids and do the least logical, most out-of-character thing possible upon hearing the sound of bells tolling? Seriously, what else could possibly be the explanation next week? "I prematurely gave up on earning love here so I decided to go extreme Machiavelli to instill even more fear even though that ain't what I'm about and it made less than no sense whatsoever?" sHoCk VaLuE, the only reason we may get anymore as these two loony locos finish the show out by giving you a gigantic middle finger? There was no valid reason to have her rage around the city that just surrendered and from which she sought to rule as a beloved queen. You can play it as if she's going to succumb to the darker side of her nature, but to actually have her go batty at the last moment is such a shamefully cheap disservice to a beautifully developed character. An immense slap in the face. Not one single thing short of inherent, incest-driven mental illness suggests anything believable about Dany winning the victory toward which she's striven for seven and a half seasons--only to immediately forego it in favor of pointless fire-breathing victory laps that only destroy most of the city she wanted, along with any credibility among the people she's killing and allowing to be raped/pillaged/looted by her armies for no reason. 8-p Throwing away EVERYTHING from 70+ episodes. It's a sheer WASTE of people, including ones on her side, and the city, and Cersei. Not one single past action of hers is remotely comparable to that spontaneous snap. It's just, "You got the unlucky coin flip and that's all there is to it; game over, sorry girl." "...And she's doing this why? To waste time and potentially give Cersei a chance to escape? To ultimately get herself killed? Okay." 8-\ I'd say they should've at least had her destroy Cersei FIRST, but...nah, nm, that'd be even worse. ><

The rest of KL had given her no reason to destroy it. Cersei was the reason two of her children were dead (Viserion died trying to rescue the jerks who were attempting to bring Cersei a wight so she’d agree to a truce and help them.) Her beef was with her. “mAd QuEeN dAnY” wasn’t foreshadowed half as strongly as BOATSEX BABY, but that went NOWHERE, so WHAT THE FUCKITY FUCKING FUCK?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Trying to paint her as turning villainous was too little too late.

After the BoW she feels rightly underappreciated, but c'mon, she hasn't yet even begun trying to win love throughout the wider world of Westeros. She hasn't given that a chance. Jon is not her beloved rival because he doesn't want it, so she doesn't need to resort to terror. No reason she wouldn't know this. Of course everyone should love you & hate Cersei, but you need to show them why.

Jonerys baby: are we tossing all that foreshadowing, or will it add to the tragedy when Jon has to kill his auntie-girlfriend queen? Sigh. Such a shitty, defeatist overall feeling, even for GoT. "Don't even bother trying to better yourself, it's impossible; you can't resist your evil twin, you can't overcome your inherent genetic insanity no matter how hard you try or how strong you are...everyone and everything is just doomed..."
Also, if that POS Sansa gets to rule the north, I will need a personal audience with D&D (maybe even George) for the million bones I have to pick with 'em...x-p How can this be salvaged in one more episode?

Interesting thought I just read: If when Jon has to sadly and solemnly "euthanize" Dany, his sword were to ignite...that'd make her Nissa Nissa, and him Azor Ahai after all (uggggghhh so obviously predictable, much as I love him.) The somewhat cool side of that would be that her spazz-out in "The Bells" was predestined, not really her fault; she actually lost her mind and carried out fate...and had to be the sacrifice to forge Lightbringer...although, that's a fucking stupid idea at this point because that prophecy was ultimately about defeating the dead. Unless Bran does become the second NK, or somehow they rise again, or something... I'm sticking with my Mel-Mel as the actual AA. People had been thinking she might be NN, but evidently not. Anyway. I just want some good 'splanation for why this big twist (Dany burning KL) was handled/presented as 'twas.

*~Curtain Calls*~ 
Get tae fuck! 

juss bc disqus=broked

Disqus is suddenly detecting comments as spam when there's nothing remotely spamlike about them, so I'll just save these couple because they were so good. "Thanks, we'll work on getting this corrected," my foot.

• CvH's EW interview re: The Long Night

I wanted to translate this back into fruitspeak, but Google doesn't offer it--blasphemy!!! Lovely interview nonetheless. ;]

Well, I’m indebted to this show for, among other things, introducing me to my new all-time favorite actress. Carice may rightly be a Dutch national treasure and swimming in awards there, but it’s high time she gets proper global recognition. There could have been no finer portrayal of Melisandre, doing greater justice to the part--but as I check off as much of her filmography as I possibly can (including 20 films so far), I’m repeatedly struck by her immense talents and versatility. Just sensational! Phenomenal. And her gorgeous singing voice? Forget about it. Unfair how vastly overpowered she is in every category—talent, beauty, adorable sweetness, etc...gah. Can’t wait for Domino (with Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) at the end of the month, and I look forward to all future projects of hers. The world needs to be blessed by witnessing the extent of her powers. ;) That she nevertheless always seems to be so shy, nervous, and insecure makes me want to cry, and wish I could hug her. ;;

Originally she was offered the role of Cersei, but prior commitments prevented her from accepting. That’s curious. It would’ve been interesting to see her approach to that part. Would she have perhaps succeeded in making me feel sympathetic towards Cersei? I’m unsure she could’ve pulled off the [female-dog] face as well as Lena does, at any rate. xD Mel was difficult enough for her.

So exactly how old IS Melly? 300? 800? 1000 or even more? The GoT prequel I most want is one that includes a Melisandre-backstory plot (especially since Carice is up for playing her as an adult!) She was told early on that the character was ancient, but wondered for a long time whether they'd ever return to that and what significance it would have. Mel didn't necessarily start out as one of my favorite characters, but she certainly became one somewhere along the line as I intuited an understanding of what she was about. (Yeah, I wrote a whole bloody essay about her and her wonderful contributions to the Battle of Winterfell on the recap...) She's such a fascinating, complicated character, and I knew that she'd prove heroic in the end. That's what she always wanted--not even to actually be a hero herself, but to aid them in, essentially, guarding the realms of men. All she did, she did not for own sake, knowing that in the end she wouldn't be sticking around for thanks or to enjoy the saved land if they were successful--but purely due to the desire to see it saved.

I also expected her to live a bit longer--indeed I'd anticipated the war expanding over more than one episode, giving everyone time to do more. (Still hoping for some juicy deleted scenes; I understand there are supposed to be a great many?)
I loved all the people who died in that episode (well, except for the Night King, though I still wish he'd been taken down an episode or two later.) But Melisandre's beautiful sendoff hit me the hardest. I can hear R'hllor saying at long last, "Well done. You can come home now."

"I get cold in the summer." Well, that's no wonder!!

• nerdist ep 3 recap

AMEN to that!!

She told Varys she was going to Volantis, so one must assume she was powering up there? I expected her to return leading an entourage of red reinforcements to help take on the NK, but for some reason only she could be bothered to turn up for the fate of humanity when it counted most, I suppose... ;p Guess she's the most powerful one and everybody else thought they'd be useless anyway so they all just said, "Nah you go girl, we'll just pray from the temple here..." Was she like, "Nah I got this y'all, stay here in Essos and keep doin' what yer doin'...proselytize 'bout Dany the savior without coming to help her actually save..." You'd think they'd want as many soldiers as they could possibly get, particularly ones with magical-fiery capabilities against the fire-vulnerable enemy, but...y'know...  #COWARDS (Does make you wonder what the rest of them were doing or not doing...the whole series, even...was Mel kind of a rogue? Did anyone else also believe themselves to be hot on the trail of an Azor Ahai? Was she the only one truly, actively seeking the world's salvation?) Well, anyways...
...And of course the eye color list only became relevant to the undead+NK when the writers decided a few years back that they wanted to be "surprising" and have Arya kill him.

Anyhows, I'll just copy/paste my "little" essay about her...

The use of Melisandre was probably my favorite single thing in the episode. She has always been among the most easily redeemable characters, doing wrong things for the right reasons. Unlike other murderers/attempted murderers with redemption arcs, she had only the purest and noblest of motives. Intent matters. It actually angers me when people are so lazy and dim as to see only the "wicked witch" that GRRM deliberately and explicitly did not create. While I'm not one to blame everything on misogyny, methinks I doth detect the stench.

Everything she's done has been ultimately aimed toward humanity's salvation. She did what she genuinely believed was needed to achieve that end. Her gaze has always been elevated. She knew what was coming. She's long been this warrior of light on the frontlines of the war between the gods of life and death. She's also lived for centuries; when you've been around that long, individual sacrifices seem less drastic relative to the big picture, and the apocalypse. Yes, she's a fanatic--but not an evil one. Not malicious or sadistically cruel. Not a charlatan duping people into worshiping a false god. Not lacking in evidence to support her beliefs like so many of the religious people in our world. She carries no anger, hatred, or personal vendettas. Burning of sacrifices and enemies of R'hllor? From the perspective of such a character, so steeped in this faith, they can only be great blessings. When delivering someone into the sacred, purifying flames and R'hllor's warm embrace, there is no question that screams of horror will give way to screams of ecstatic joy in the beyond. It's a glorious thing in the red priest's worldview. They must cleanse the world and save souls--sometimes in a very tough-love sort of way. As a child slave sold to the Red Temple, Mel essentially underwent an extreme form of Stockholm Syndrome--discovering strength, stability, structure, guidance, refuge, meaning, and purpose in life by devoting herself utterly to the service of the Red God. The god of love, light, life, truth, joy, goodness. He must have become her only comfort. She's in truth one of the more altruistic characters, serving not herself but her Lord, faithfully and painstakingly and tirelessly. She considers herself a mere vessel, a conduit for his power and will. Her faith is in him rather than herself. He is the supreme being, she the fallible & imperfect human striving to be more--a worthy vessel capable of diving and servicing his will. Supporting Stannis and going as far as she did with him was a most grievous error; no one knows it better than she. It went unrewarded. Her entire foundation seemed to fall away beneath her when she thought she'd been deluded all along, & she was bereft and depressed for quite a while, even after resurrecting Jon. But she's also sincere--she'll own up to having made mistakes, no matter how awful, can plainly admit when she's been wrong, and then learns from it. She softens, moderates, reconsiders and adjusts her hard-line fanatical stances.
The only GoT prequel I strongly want is one that involves Melisandre's backstory. She's such a mysterious, fascinating, complex, intriguing character. (The one about the original Long Night would be good too, though that might well show up this one.) For one thing I'd like to know why she was so thoroughly convinced of Stannis for so long.

Melisandre helped bring the right groups of people together and ensured they'd stay united. She brought Jon back despite (or perhaps thanks to?) her brokenness. She gifted the Dothraki with fire (and the audience with illumination)--not her fault the horselords were (mostly? totally?) doomed. That's all on their strategist(s.) It's inevitable that their charge with regular arakhs would've been exponentially less effective without her. Mel bought the living crucial time by saving their trench plan. I like how her incantations tend to work when she's desperate, teary, shaky, pleading. The Lord of Light really makes you work for your miracles. That obviously used a ton of strength, and the unsuppressible self-doubt that's plagued her since Stannis' defeat was still present. Hope she also managed to summon some Dany-esque faith in herself at last--I see her & the LoL as partners, and ideally there'd be both. Every shot of her in this episode is stunningly gorgeous (actually, I should just change "this episode" to "ever.") But that iconic fire in her eyes...yeah. That wonder, amazement, gratitude..;0; And Arya wouldn't have attacked the Night King without her revelation & prodding.

And then, Mel's death scene. Poignant, dignified, beautiful. (And Mother Gothel-esque.) One of the multiple death scenarios I'd envisioned for her, though it happened too early for my liking. I don't want her gone yet. She strides silently through the corpse-littered field, discards her necklace and lets the ruby glow its last, walks on...and gradually transforms into the super-elderly her, finally disintegrating and blowing away into the wind. I'm just so glad that the episode ended so poignantly on her. She showed up early on to do her part, and she closed it out. Walking willingly into the overdue rest for which she's been ready a long time. Having fulfilled her purpose, she heads straight into her beloved Lord's embrace as the sun begins to rise. Reuniting, hopefully, with any whom she's loved and outlived. The weight of the world has lifted from her shoulders at long last, and she can finally sleep, after this long lifetime spent fighting with darkness. Remaining driven and focused and committed to her raison d'etre 'til the end. No more need to fear the dreams. She beautifully bookended the BoW, a true highlight of the season.
Ugh, I cry. Other time was "Hold the door." And Maester Aemon's death/funeral, the second time through. (Nearly on the demises of Sers Barristan & Jorah.)

Anyway, Mel is my MVP, Lightbringer, Azor Ahai, Princess Who Was Promised, the one before whom the darkness fled--regardless of whatever the heck the show ends up doing. (Maybe she's even Nissa Nissa too?) If it never addresses the prophecy despite that having been mentioned so many times, well, at least I know to be prepared for disappointment now. But one of my favorite theories was that it had been her all along, yet she never considered that as a possible interpretation of her visions. [abridged version of this]
"Melisandre...you're a good woman. Thank you." 
Thank you for being one of the greatest shields to guard the realms of men. 
You'll never be forgotten.

• disqus account
• curtain call  
• dis reel gud 2  
• n dis  
• one mo'

Game of Thrones Season 8 Episode 4: "THE LAST OF THE STARKS" {INITIAL REACTIONS}

Verdict: This was a tense, busy, overall pretty great episode, but they still absolutely needed 2 or 3 for the Long Night. Only 6 total was a mistake. Maybe it just would've cost too much, so they had to abridge TLN and shift back to political infighting. Thankfully only 2 eps remain to resolve everything. I just fear so many loose plot threads and points and tracks that were laid but never picked up again, people who may simply never be so much as mentioned again...I fear having to compile a list of those at the end. >< Surprise me, please. I wasn't left feeling cheated and deflated like last week, I am pumped for more, but...I kinda just want it to be over already, to see exactly what they've done to this story, to these characters. I get the sense they could've gone a couple more seasons doing buildup and introducing cool stuff that should come into play later, but when it came to actually writing the endgame, they may've choked. I just want to tear this band-aid off in one stroke.

[MINI SIDE-RANT: It's very difficult to be that excited at this point. There is NO FUCKING WAY you end S7 on the thrilling "OMFG THE DEAD HAVE FINALLY BROKEN THROUGH THE WALL AND ARE MARCHING SOUTH WITH AN UNDEAD DRAGON HOLY SHIT" note, only to face and defeat them in episode 3 out of 6. And then go, "Guess it's time to dethrone ol' Smirky McCuntface down south eh?" That is horseshit. That is not what I signed up for. I didn't know precisely what I signed up for of course, but I DO know it for DAMN well certain wasn't THAT. I haven't been hyperinvested in this show for years on end, to be let down like that. Surprise? Subverted expectations? Sure, it's nice to see that everyone actually can band together to defeat the greatest threat known to mankind. But there was still too much missing, and for it to happen that early/quickly...just ain't right...that said, do I still wanna see Cersei bite it? Naturally. Hate's as good a thing as any to keep you going. ;p I just can't believe I'm actually relieved that there are only two episodes left.]

Funeral scene: Touching moments with Dany/Jorah (NOW you kiss him!), Sansa/Theon (the pin! another loved non-boyfriend), Sam/Edd (yeah, ya got him killed, boyo), Arya/Beric (and likewise he died saving her, as apparently destined by the LoL.) They burn all the bodies but Mel's, since she turned to dust/ashes already. Jon gives a tremendously moving speech. Many actors are playing corpses ("ah, so that's why he's in the credits!" xD) Clearly this is what they meant about the "BoW" spilling over into ep. 4. And goddamn, how long did it take to assemble all those huge pyres? Each one didn't look like it even held that many bodies, and there would be friggin' thousands to burn...

Then, they go a-partying in the great hall to celebrate the survivors. Tormund, my man...omg. All the adulation and praise of Jon is making Dany long for the way the people of Essos had felt about her when she liberated them. Part of her must be regretting having ever set sail to Westeros. (And yeah, you've got Mel+Davos to thank for Jon being here at all. He does have a tendency to get himself killed or near-killed.)
"Blue eyes looking into blue eyes!" Tormund's having a ball, & seriously dug Jon's badass dragon-riding. (Goofy drunken man, you rode a dragon last season while the NK was hurling ice javelins at you. Sure, it is particularly impressive to pilot one against him by yourself when you're not its Targaryen parent and only recently flew for the first time. And I could be down with naming any of the people aboard that dragon king or queen, but anyhows...)
Dany's depressed that everybody would want Jon for a king more than her for a queen, even though Jon doesn't want it and she DOES want the chance to prove herself a good queen here. Which she kinda already fucking has, but they're not making as big a deal out of HER war heroism (*cough Varys she's one too, she did at least as much as Jon did during that battle COUGH*), HER gargantuan sacrifices. It's just to drive the bloody wedge, to show how much they all love Jon as opposed to the "outsider." She certainly hasn't wronged anybody. The MoD is gonna be stinging because she's worked so damn hard since S1 for her queendom in order to do great things with it and make needed changes--yet the writers are going to have other people ridiculously say, "Oh look what a crazy madwoman she's becoming," when in actuality she's angry-mad, and rightfully so. Not gonna hint at Jon "going mad" because he's a Targaryen too, huh?

Dany makes Gendry Lord of Storm's End, yay! But Arya still flat-out doesn't wanna be a lady, perhaps failing to consider that she could be whatever sort of lady she pleases--figures. Just wants to be a casual couple? And okay, the gesture was "clever" of Dany, but...so what? It was cool too. Works out great for everybody. That's something a good ruler would do--legitimize a heroic bastard and inspire his loyalty by making him a lord.
Is Sandor sorta...jelly? XD; He kind of seems to hate Gendry. And he no wanty no hoes, even fearless ones. The doggo barks one off. Poor Tormy!! Damn pretty boy from the south stealing his girl. ;; Like "wtf, it's not my fault I couldn't knight you myself--it was my idea!" It's a hard af choice, Brie. Or would be for me. He's disheartened that he doesn't seem to appeal to southern women. But Pod the Rod, man...he gonna git hisself another ho and give her the ol' magic cock/voice combo.

Davos is still thinking about Meli, and likely about her true age and the mystery yet surrounding her. (You ain't the only one who's lived to a ripe old age, but props for being such a survivor!) He's theologically bamboozled, frustrated by "her god," wondering what R'hllor will is now that they've "won his battle." Defeated the greatest challenge--and now what'll they do? Just continue to kill each other? Perhaps his perspective on it is somewhat off? Davos is expecting some sort of reward. Mel was right, and her god guided them all to victory--saved them all or aided them in saving themselves. Ser, try to understand who she was. You two Stannis/Jon stans weren't that different in the end; you just had different means and paths to get there. Mel did so much, worked so hard, gave so much for so many many years, right to the end. (He pretty much only waved torches.) EVERYONE SHOULD BE TOASTING HER. "Arya Stark the hero of Winterfell," yes yes yes, but she WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN if not for Mel. LAY. SOME. GOD. DAMN. RESPECT. ON. MY. BITCH'S. NAME. She's among those men and women acting as the shields to guard the realms of men. She didn't have anyone close to her, possibly not for a long time. (DAMN, do we need a Valyrian prequel.) So Davos, a true man of his word, didn't have to keep it, because she/the LoL did...and it was beautiful...and she was evidently right about her lord all along. He helped defeat (seemingly) his enemy, The Great Other--what say has he in the affairs of humans now? Also...Davos my man, come ON. Your adopted daughter didn't burn because they WANTED to kill her. Meli basically just saved humanity, which is what she's wanted to do from the start--and I bet she could've ended the NK herself if Arya had failed. Now I wanted Mel still around to help with the whole monarch matter, since Stannis and Jon/possibly Dany (the people she'd been backing) were [potential] rulers before potential saviors.

Sandor is the only remaining "LoL rep," so to speak, in a SENSE. MIGHT he need to communicate with...any of the fire-priesty peeps again? R'hllor, Mel and Beric in the beyond, Kinvara and the other Dany supporters in Essos?!?!? Hello?!?!?! (What was their point if they weren't going to show tf up when the shit finally hit the fuckin' fan?!?!?) Why didn't Sandor and Arya talk about Mel and Beric? At least acknowledge the fact that Mel is the hero behind Arya's heroism, among her other valiant efforts on behalf of the living. Well, I suppose they're both well aware. Everyone is. My girl Arry and my man Sandor (and maybe Bran, but probably not because he's fucking useless) fully disclosed to all everything that went on in that room after Beric passed, the reason Arya headed toward the godswood--oh, and if Jon was actually distracting Viserion to allow her in there, that could not possibly have been any less clear. That notion is probably grasping at straws.) BUT! What did Sandor and Mel talk about while they were apparently locked in that room together? Anything?? They'd be such an excellent pair!!! We should have gotten a scene betwixt them!! It's what we deserve!!!! >8@
O Lord, I am praying for tons of amazing shouldn't-have-been-deleted scenes. At the very LEAST the Mel-vs-NK one, because why would the supposedly legit spoiler source lie about that? Unless he was mistaken or it was a scene filmed to throw people off. But even D&D couldn't be stupid enough not to use it...I mean, I guess they were...but if they DID go to the expense of recording it, it should have been a painful cut, not an intentional "probably not gonna show this" one from the get-go. Anyway. The Hound's a got a nice horse.

Food for SanSan shipping? Yuck, no. He deserves better anyway. Cane Corso=/=hounds, Sansa, learn your damn dog breeds. For the sake of the joke though, okay. That was pretty good. But tbh, you haven't improved much since being that original insufferable "little bird..."
Never seen Brienne so drunk, giddy, beaming, cheery, chuckling--hey, that wasn't her, that was Gwen. xD Anyhow, she's a virgin. So tf am I, I don't find it that personal a question...but then, in her case it's likely not by choice. I'm already mourning the giant world-conquering Tormienne/Briemund babies that could have been (and still could be, really, especially if Jaime dies.) Speaking of Braime...THAT happened, yo. :'3 Lawl, imagine Cersei's reaction. So yeah, Tormund's taking his people back home to the "real north," along with Ghost so they don't have to waste more CGI on him. Poor unpetted, unhugged doggo's like, "I thought I was your best friend?" when Jon tells the guy he didn't save from the swarm of wights who somehow fucking miraculously survived anyway that HE was his bff. At least he finally acknowledged your presence, Ghostie. (Please tell me they're at least trading one wolf for Nymeria and her pack next week? Haaa,yeah right, not gonna hold my breath.) Be good to Ghost, Tormund...he ish gud boi...;;
Tormy thinks Jonno would be happier up there too, and yeah, he probably would, but yanno...DUTY. And I KNEW Gilly was preggers--it was either that or Sam had just been ensuring that she was extremely well-fed, lol. xD Again, not that pregnancy necessarily involves weight gain aside from the middle, but sometimes it does, so I had a feeling. Proud papa Sam thinks Jon needs to hear how babies are made 'cause he still knows nothing, haaaa.

Dany wants Jon to keep the parentage secret forever so things can just return to the way they were before it got complicated. And she knows Sansa's been corrupted (sho' 'nuff, Littlefinger's alive and well in her.) She thinks the only way this lovely incestuous relationship can continue and they can all coexist is if word doesn't get out--so naturally, multiple people know by the end of the ep. She's thirsting for love atm, and the romantic attraction is overriding the biological relationship since, after all, a loving nephew you didn't even know was your nephew sure beats a shitty brother you grew up assuming you'd have to marry. (I mean, girl, Jorah Fine-As-Fuck Mormont is RIGHT TF THERE WAITING, but...hokai.)
Of course Jonny doesn't want the throne, but feels he owes his fam the truth. And truthfully they OUGHT to be able to co-rule and balance each other, not officially married but simply paired...Dany, you *should* be okay with that if it becomes a real possibility. Please be reasonable? Little more tractable? I'm still with you. The writers are pulling this hopefully misleading "unstable" bullshit I knew they would, but things can turn around at the last second. Like Tyrion, I believe in you! Exercise your free will! They want other characters to convince you she's about to go full-on cuckoo instead of just "darker" (if they go through with that I'll rip the TV off the wall, carry it to them, slam it on their heads, and force them to buy me a new one. That'd just be giving in to shocking-yet-predictable-yet-wrong mediocrity. No, less.) This is forced. It's manufactured.

Arya, I'm kind of fucking disappointed in you this season, honestly. The NK kill should've been Mel glamoured as a friggin' White Walker, dammit. Or something like that. Arry's had enough kills. She didn't deserve that one. It didn't do much for her anyway, and she's shut eyes of all colors in the past. "We don't trust your queen," "I don't need allies," "she's not one of us" (cue the Simba's Pride song), oh jfc. Quit siding with Sansa. You guys are sounding almost like Cersei ("our family's all that matters." "Everyone who isn't us is an enemy.") Fighting together for their species apparently taught these scummy shitheads nothing. Lord of Light, just strike 'em all down, I'm fucking done...Arya and Dany should've gotten on swimmingly...this pod person nonsense is for the birds...
And Jonno, y u no swear Bran to secrecy? XD Just automatically trust him because he seems to have no desires anymore.

Fuuuuuuck you, Sansa, and your backstabbing vow-breaking. Sooo sick of this slimy girl. I knew you didn't enunciate well enough on "I swear it." Cheater. Still determined to be a troublesome stick in the mud while bringing nothing to the table. At least Arya respects Jon and was willing to keep whatever secret Bran revealed (the only use to which he's put, bafflingly, btw...???? #uselessbran strikes yet again. #orisitoverpoweredbranandhedmakethingstoosimple)

Tyrion is sticking to his guns and remaining loyal to Dany. Varys is remaining loyal to the realm. So there you go--he has been a good man all along, all about "the people" as he claimed. He does just want the greater good. He thinks about everybody else in the seven kingdoms, since he's one who came up from the bottom. And he's actually selfless. (So yes, very like Mel. They could have made a great pair if Varys weren't so understandably opposed to magical practitioners.) However. He may be turning on his chosen queen too quickly. It's understandable that she wants the quickest path to destroying Cersei, who will be the reason for bloodshed if it comes to that (and of COURSE it will, right? Already has. What can you do about this tyrant? What realistic options do you have? WELL, definitely some which the smart Team-Dany we know and love would try.)
I see some of Varys' points, but sided a bit more with Tyrion in the debates, I think...like, he's actively looking for reasons to betray Dany...but good on him keeping his word to her though? About looking her in the eye and being honest? Once? Before talking treasonously to Tyrion? =/ Y'all now have some pretty damn good reason to believe in destiny, at least some of the time.
But her worst impulses haven't come out yet. Sure, someone who's a good ruler but doesn't want power can still make a good ruler...Jon's already been forced into that position...still, he's living on borrowed time now? Will he even make it to the end? Was he resurrected in order to BE king, perhaps? Is that why Meli was able to bring him back? Perhaps if Dany has to sacrifice herself, Jon may rule...if either one, assuming there remains a throne at all...Idk, but has he fulfilled his ultimate purpose in resurrection, or is there more? What, indeed, will be the Lord of Light's input now?
Tyr trusts Dany to make the right choices; Varys the waffler is ready to change his mind again, thinking she's becoming a mistake who will only turn the people against her as well. Guess he just thinks he's perceiving familiar vibes or signs and is trying to preempt another possible mad-Targ situation. -.- At least he ain't down with incest, lululul. And he sure knows how gossip works. xD Again, Varys' foretold death better be somehow connected with what he heard in the flames and all the LoL stuff and Mel's prediction. Not bloody dragonfire, though you think you see where this shit is going. x_x Can Daenerys be a little more willing to bend and compromise? She is really being pushed to the limit here.

They're going in ye olde predicted direction at every turn, yeah. -.- We'll see where it ends up...

Bronn scene: Terrific dialog, he makes some great points. Thought it might be interrupted by someone attacking him from behind or something. xD He's now waiting for either Highgarden, or to get to kill Jaime and Tyrion. Kk. According to my dad, it takes longer than that to load a crossbow, though.
"I am happy that you are happy."--Tyrion-Entei

Hooooly shit, Cersei truly is a supreme evil who must die horribly. (But then what else is new?) Euron, I hate you again--like, truly loathe. I liked you for one episode. He's enamored of Cers, ofc, and she gonna pass off Jaime's kid as his. Hmm. Still no sign of a Jonerys babe...
Rhaegal's death was shocking and horrifying, Jesus Christ. *,-,* Get Gendry on crafting some damn dragon armor STAT. Dany's rage is palpable--they're taking even more from her. Another child. Her best friend. (Missandei...!! Oh, poor Grey Worm. He is now so hyper-invested in slaughtering this horrid evil incarnate and all of Dany's enemies mercilessly.) This is bullshit. I am fucking furious. Irate. Wish Euron's fleet could've been dracarys'd without risking Drogon getting hit by those super-scorpions.
"Dracarys"--was waiting for some effect from that, but it was just Missy proclaiming loyalty to her queen as her final word. (Also I half-expected a Frankensteined Rhaegal to appear because what else can go wrong, but nah, Qyburn couldn't possibly do it that quickly even after learning from the Mountain. Aka Cersei's headsman. ><)
That was some nice swimming though, Varys (A KNOWN MERMAN) and Tyrion and everybody else.

Cleganebowl=guaranteed now, right? Hells yeah. The Hound wants his brother. Arya wants Cersei, but I hope Jaime slowly chokes the life out of her. He ditched his totally heartbroken new gf, claiming he's still the kind of guy who'll do anything for his #1 hateful sis rather than the "good man" we know him to be. Please Jaim-boy, do da right thing again. (I predict he does feel guilty and want to go rid them of his psycho-sis, and was just trying to protect Brienne. Like Arya did with Nymeria, or Tyrion with Shae...grr.) If Jaime doesn't make it, Brie...go make those damned monster babies already, please. Tormund is an awesome guy who freakin' worships the ground you walk on, what more could you want?

Sandor & Arya are on the road together again (pleeeeeease discuss whatever you & Mel chatted about during the war, Clegane, I know it must've been good)--also heading toward King's Landing of their own accords, and not planning on returning north. 8-| [How come Dany's not using Arya to assassinate Cersei, and how come Arya's not telling Jon/Dany that she plans to do so...?]
HoQ (Hand of Queen) vs. HoQ...oh Qyburn, I kinda wanted to like you. But now you really have no reason to turn on Cersei, eh? Unless you wanted to make a sudden noble stand, but nah, she's been too good to you, and is in an advantageous position. The one who's using her hateful hated (and stupid af) people as human shields. Nope, Qyburn the mouthpiece ain't budging to compromise and work with Tyrion. "We seem to have reached an impasse." (Did he say they were in Naath? What did I hear?) And Tyrion, you fool. Cersei's a monster who loved her children in a selfish way because she, herself, her own wants--that was always what came first. She was always #1. Cersei only cares what she desires, what's best for her and by extension the people/things that "belong" to her. But not even what's truly best for those people...always her. Fuck everyone and everything else. She's the only mad queen on the block. Also, why do her fingers look so stubby? An illusion caused by that giant ring? Thought she was gonna push Missy...;0;

"Not a monster," huh Tyrion? Oh. It. Is. ON.
Maybe Dany should just burn all these fuckers down and start afresh. >8|
"'Cause baby you're a fiiiiiiiirework...!"

Casualties: Rhaegal, Missandei
What have we learned so far this season? Vomiting=celebrating. Tormund's always had blue eyes. Uhh...he's our teacher? Oh, and good, we still have some Dothraki. Their charge wasn't genocidal, as had been suggested.

Preview: says basically nothing, looked similar. Oy.

Random: For some reason on the downstairs TV, the first scene with Dany & the dragons was the first time I ever momentarily perceived them as looking kind of...fake? OR sensing the green-screen? But I waited for it and it didn't happen again on my TV. Hunh. Maybe it was just me.