S7E06: "Beyond the Wall"

"Gingers are beautiful. We're kissed by fire." YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT, TORMUND.

Stream-of-consciousness reacting...had five extra days to get this ish out thanks to the accidental upload on Wednesday. ;3 Still watched the official Sunday-night premiere, of course. Not only do we want the show to keep on shattering the record, but I missed a number of lines thanks to the worst-behaved, most ADHD puppy I can remember having (*cough Hurricane Cain cough*)
Walking and talking! Leading up to something massive, ofc. 'Til it's too windy to speak much. There's talk of histories and fathers, callbacks to much earlier events...the beautiful sexiness of gingers, who're kissed by fire...I swear, every one of Tormund's lines was comedy gold. Love him so much. He thinks Winterfell is "south." xD Gotta say though, I'm still not ready to admit Sansa into ARC (Awesome Redheads Club), though. Tormund learned the word "dick," and between him and the Hound it seems implied that...wildlings'll swing every which way they need to?? Take whatever they can get...xD; Lol. "Suck my dick--or cock!"--Tourette's Guy/Sandor Clegane
But nope, Tormund prefers pussy. ;D And that carve-you-up-and-eat-your-liver look of true love! ^w^
I was most scared for Tormund & Jorah because I kinda ship them with Brienne and Dany...it'd suck for them not to return and Brienne to maybe wish she'd been, I dunno, a bit more friendly and appreciative of his admiring attraction? And for Dany to lose Jorah, whom she obviously loves--but perhaps still not in the way she's been feeling toward Jon? Again, not that I can blame her or Jon for this; they're both very attractive and awesome. But! So is Jorah. Tormund is a hot, rugged ginger. Jorah's a hot, rugged blonde. Jon's a hot, broody dude with raven curls. Jaime's a hot, clean-cut, chiseled blondie. Uggghhh--life's full of tough choices, iddinit?! Seriously, almost everyone on the show is hot, or at least cute. xp Even the people who're made out to be quite hideous by the books (Tyrion, Brienne...I mean, they uglied Gwendoline up as much as you can ugly-up a pretty lady, but Tormund's attraction is still quite understandable...!) So, anyway.
No one mentioned Arya!! :o
Quit your infernal whinging, Gendry! You dummy. XD Lmao. They're like, "Sounds all right so far. Strapped to a bed naked, leeches...kinky!" (And ain't nothin' wrong with witches, yo! ;p But fine, yeah, priestess.) Great convos among the guys as they headed out. Gee, wonder why Jon doesn't look much like his "father?" "That's all anyone can tell me--'I don't know.'" And that's why you know nothing, Jonny-boy! Although, you & Beric seem onto something. ;]

First obstacle: undead bear! Hound's phobia renders him paralyzed & unable to help Thoros, who shoved him out of the way...Thoros is injured, but Beric is able to cauterize the wound with his sword and let him last longer. Obviously The Hound feels responsible for his death. (He & Thoros were the easiest to identify in any wild battle sequence with those rad flaming swords!)
They got their captive, but too easily...suddenly surrounded and trapped, because thankfully the dead don't swim. (Which is probably why Jon's still alive.) Hound now has no choice but to believe in the LoL, but thinks he's a cunt just like every other lord he's ever met. xD He decides to start chucking rocks at the wights out of boredom (after kicking their struggling captive), but that becomes a huuuuge fucking "whoopsie" when the second one skids across the solid ice in the front of them...showing the dead that they can advance. ("Ice" going, mate; everything's your fault! xD;) After that, everything goes to hell. I was SO SCARED for Tormund and totally thought he was a goner there for a minute; thank goodness they didn't do that to us. You redeemed yourself, Sandor. (That was set up earlier by the "I don't think you're really mean; you have sad eyes" thing. Awww.) Thought they should've immediately been breaking the ice around themselves.
So now, they all would've been completely screwed if not for Dany. The union of her & Jon is clearly necessary. They'd sent Gendry running back to Eastwatch without his hammer because he was the fastest...I was like, "Hope you have a good memory and paid attention to landmarks!" This is the episode where I started to become a bit more critical of the travel-time aspect. How long was the group trapped on the ice, waiting for Gendry to run back and have the raven sent and then have Dany come rescue them? Ravens and dragons fly fast. ;) Westerosi horses tend to be speedy as well. xD At this point, though, you can't lose momentum and devote scenes to travel or establishing time passage (unless something very significant happens along the way or in the meantime.) Specific lengths aren't as important as just getting the order in which events are occurring; all along I've felt that you should be able to piece it together yourself and guesstimate well enough. The complaints about distance and people/ravens "zipping all over the country" seemed hyperbolic.
The party only lost one member, which was one mercy we were spared. Things could've been worse. "Don't you dare fall, goddamit Jorah! None of you idiots fall off this dragon, got it?!" Poor Thoros. Now he can't bring Beric back anymore...but, Beric said he was tired of that and waiting for the end to finally come, so. Guess he'll probably be on his last life this time. Actually, the squad apparently had some redshirts along who only appeared when it was time for someone nameless to get killed? That was weird.

Backtrack to Dragonstone: Dany starts by praising Tyrion for not being a stupid, reckless, life-wasting Gryffindor. ("Billy, don't be a hero...!" 'Specially if you're doing it to impress a wuvwy wady...) Of course, this is a setup for her setting off to save the totally-fucked crew up north with all three of her dragons--much to Tyrion's terrified dismay. "If the most important person in the world dies, everything and everyone is lost!" But she can't/won't do nothing, as he advises. Tyr had been taking Varys' advice, trying to get her to listen to their point of view. For a few minutes there, it seemed that Daenerys was growing too exasperated with all of this patience and mercy and planning. Yes, Aegon got pretty far on fear, but how'd it all end up? It probably is impossible to win a war without deceit and mass murder--and in this land, impossible to build a better world without a war. Yet your goal is to break the old wheel and not become an actual tyrant, right? Don't keep on spinning it. Popular support will be invaluable. The only ashes you wanna be queen of are the Ash Ketchums who say "I choose you" like Varys did. ;D "Mega Charizard X, Fireblast, now!" 
 Tyrion's caution at the moment is concerned with what happens should Dany be killed--who will be the successor? Who can maintain her vision? He's less interested in actually laying a trap for Cersei, and his queen isn't so sure about all this. 'Succession? We'll discuss that after I wear the crown!' Hmm. Can we think both short AND long-term, guys?

Tyrion is right about getting into your enemy's mindset to anticipate their moves (keep your friends close but...) Still, they could go on forever with the volleying of fair point against fair point. Tyrion still advocates imprisonment and captivity over immediate execution of defeated foes. That WOULD make you stand out from other rulers. Yet she also has to let everyone know that she's super cereal and means business to be taken cereally as a person, and not just because she controls friggin' dragons. (And frankly, she's not obligated to spare soldiers in open rebellion to remain consistent with their vision.) Point, though, is that what NEEDED to happen to get through to her was for her to fly north and see for herself that Jon is right--the army of the dead is the most immediate threat to ALL of humanity. If they breach the Wall and head south, it'll be apocalyptic. They can continue adding to their numbers by reanimating corpses.
She shows up in the nick of time, naturally, and OH MY FUCK...her face watching Viserion die from the accursed Night King's spear...;n; MY CHILDREN, MY ONLY CHILDREN. Knowing she has to get the others to safety and leave Jon behind. Having them wait for his seemingly miraculous return, courtesy of Uncle Benjen--who might now fulfill people's expectation of becoming a wight himself? If they remove the dragonglass? ;; Aw, man. Y'know, last week when I said I wanted an ice dragon, I DIDN'T MEAN LIKE THIS. I meant one for Dany...! Dx Damn you, D&D/GRRM. But no, they wouldn't make one person that overpowered. Especially not someone you like. x-p Also, I guess the Hound's heading off on his own again?

Mom and I were afraid that Jon was gonna give up the ghost again, and someone would have to run and get Melisandre back--unless Beric could do it, but I don't think so 'cause he's not an actual priest. However, the good thing is that Jon seems to have sufficient plot armor to keep him around until the end, or much closer to it (how many people would be severely upset if he just dropped permanently off the show now?) Orrr you could end up with Whitewalker Jon. *-* But yeah, he and Beric obviously have some great destiny for which they can be brought back, so losing him isn't aaaaaas scary as losing anyone else. Just like before, you know he couldn't be gone for good anyway.

Well NK, you fucked now, boi. Because you do NOT mess with the Dragon Queen's kiddos. Still...this is soooo not good. They're gonna need all the help and reinforcements they can possibly get. This affects literally everyone. Not only did you lose a dragon, but he's been turned against you. (Is this going to be any surprise to them? Can they plan for this?) Is there any hope for the "I know you're still in there, it's me, listen to me, don't fight against your mother" trope? Like, is Viserion actually in the beyond, or are there remnants of him in the body that could yet be reached? Because if Viserion remains loyal to his mum, that would be AMAZING...two fire dragons and an ice one on your side, boy. 'Swut I'm talkin' 'bout.
So. Dany's priorities have shifted. The truth of Jon's ice zombies couldn't be clearer, and their leader has literally killed one of her precious children. This SO means war. She swears that she will help the north defeat the Night King, and recuperating Jon finally bends the figurative knee (as Tormund would've recommended.) See, now they've both seen each other in action--seen one another's true colors shining through. ("And that's why I love you...not necessarily romantically?!?! Oh fuck.") He's sorry that this mission went so horrifically badly and cost the life of one of her dragons. He can now tell everyone else that she is definitely someone worth following as queen. She's less concerned with the knee-bending now, bound and determined to avenge Viserion and save the world from the Night King. Somehow. She's not even sorry she came to their rescue, because only seeing that army with her own eyes could truly impress upon her just how dire their situation is. She wants to be worthy of Jon's allegiance. Then she notices his "longing" gaze and checks out of his room, heh.
NOW the question is...could we EVER expect the Mad Queen down in King's Landing to join forces without scheming, underhanded intentions to eliminate Dany & Jon & Co. when and if they can defeat the walkers?? I could see this becoming the turning point for Jaime--honestly, it's getting pathetic watching him continue to be his sister's lapdog. (Pussywhipped...;p) He's SO much more likable the moment he's apart from her. His time with Brienne really did good things for him as a person. And whatta ya know, guess who's headed to King's Landing?! Because Sansa's like, "Pfffft, I ain't goin'; they want me, they can come get me themselves. You go!"
Aaaand Jon calls her "Dany." Which no one in the show has done for quite some time. x3 Was it her bro? Haha. Yeah, he was a douche, but you still named one of your kids after him. ;p So how would Jon, who knows nothing, know of her nickname? Aahhh, right. Secret-Targaryen-ness gives you certain abilities. >w<

Love polygons going on? Tyrion seems to fancy Dany...but she just called shortastic Jon "too little" for her, to an actual, somewhat heroic dwarf. xD; "Sorry I didn't mean it that way!" Awww. I still like Jaime/Brienne despite ALSO LOVING the image of magnificent Brienne/Tormund offspring. I'm so TORN! I mean, we don't know whether she "like-likes" Jaime either. Aurgh. And WHEENNNN is everyone finally going to learn that Jon's a Stark-Targaryen and Dany's nephew?! Which is, weird to think, but true. I just wanna see the effects that that revelation is gonna have on everything.

Mind games going on at Winterfell. Pleeeeease, Arya, realize what Littlefinger's doing and outplay the asshole. Slice him up. You can't trust him as far as you could throw him. Bran? You've been less useful than it seems you oughta be. How about you tell your damn sisters the truth about that scumbucket? Once he's outta the way, there'll be plenty of time for dealing with the question of whether or not Sansa may still be a family traitor. He ain't a fighter; even Brienne is checkmated by Arya--guy don't stand a chance. Let this finally be the end of the line--uh, the ladder--for him.
Arya confronts her sis about the letter she sent while she was still a stupid little girl willing to fuck her family over for her sweet Prince Joffrey. Good point about Lyanna Mormont in particular--oh, that little firecracker would be disgusted with you, Sansa. ;p Sooo, she later finds Arya's satchel full of rubber masks. Girl should've put some of the latex animal ones in there too (such as my white Poodle head!) Arya tries to play the game of faces with her, then seems to threaten her life--but ultimately hands her the dagger and leaves the room. :0 Ay, yi, yi. Some of what Sansa says is true, but...it feels like one step forward and two back with her...she thinks she's become so smart, but is she still being easily manipulated by Littlefinger? Arya wouldn't have survived what you did? Really?? I doubt that very much. If you're gonna do stupid things, I too would pick anger as my motive, but **please girls don't do anything dumb either way!!!**
Other peeps we needa see again? Theon, hopefully saving Yara. Nearly forgot about those guys in all this. Judging from the preview...well, I saw Theon, and the Unsullied, and I think the Ironborn...both sides lining up. Probably/hopefully, it'll open with this huge Cersei meeting. (Btw, you gonna tell her you lost a dragon? At first she'll be all, 'Ooh good, you've been weakened'--but if the Night King can kill dragons, that should help paint the picture of how fucking urgent this is.)